chillas

hello people.


i THINK i'm going to the doc tomoro for an X-ray. the pain is tingling and damn irritating. i cant even reach my back to scratch it. feels like some bone is blocking it.

damn shit.

wish me luck tomorow. hope the lazy bug do not hit me. hahaha!!!

hello people.


its been 77 weeks since i write. i think i really have should get this off my chest.



I AM FUCKING PISS OFFFFF AND FUCKING IRRITATED. CAN I JUST KILL A MAN.

thats all.

hello people.


i'm in the guard room now.doing duty as usual.why does people need my help,i'm always there for them.doesnt matter if its store work or covering their duty at the very last minute,i'm always there.but when it comes to me,when i need help,theres practically no one to help me.i'm left to die alone.

die cockstand is the best way to describe it.

its unfair.but live is always unfair right?

but with all these experiences,it helps me in life not to depend on others.yes relying on people is sometimes good because theres always an extra hand for help or a listening ear for us to talk too.but sometimes its better to do it ourself than relying on people.

my philosophy is simple.do you bring someone to accompany you when you're bathing,dying or even shit..?no right.then thats how life should be.do it yourself.

the next time they're asking me for help,thats it.no way mann..!

it irritates me when people just assume things and all.soory to say this ar but can you just use your brain and think?what if i'm the one that assume about you.would you be happy?sooo before you say anything,take time off to think ok???unless you play rugby and use the 3 second thinking rule,then different lah.

rugby training tomorrow.cant wait to unleash my long kept anger.

inter formation tournament is just around the corner.

i'm ready for hard hitting actions.are you....?

hello people.


its stocktaking period.too bad i've got the most fucked up stocktaker i've ever meet.my store was fuck up.he literally dig up every single things to uncover the mistake.i've got 9 stores under my belt and i'm running it alone.of cause theres bound to have mistakes.no one is perfect!

he make a big hoo haa about the mistakes and words are flying around that i need to pay $20k or what to resolve it.what the fuck!i'm not a millionaire fuck.my pay is only peanuts.even if i am a millionaire,i wont pair.i rather go DB then paying the money.SAF is fucking filthy rich.for what they want NSFs to pay any amount just to recover the loss of stores when its not even our mistakes???dream on eh.i wont pay. 

S-Serve 
A-And
F-Fuck off..!

Audit is just around the corner.march 17.no time to lose.looks like more overtime coming up and thanks to colleagues who are fuck up,i rather do alone than having them to help.they just dont understand the meaning of 'give and take'.

this is the first time in my life that i'm suffering a big major headache from work commitment.thought of going AWOL.but we'll see how it goes.

apart from that,all the problems i'm having now is starting to acummalate and is hitting me at the wrong time.too much pressure and too much thing in my mind.sometimes i just cant even think straight.i'll go blank sometimes.


i think the only thing that can destress me is rugby.hope to go for the inter formation training soon.cant wait for it.

and to 'anja',i had a good time with you last sun.hope we can meet up again soon.my stress is gone when i'm with you.miss you very much.cant help but wait.

take care............

hello people.


here i am in camp doing duty.its not guard duty.but its duty orderly.means instead of having to stand under the hot sun to open and close the gate,this time my job is just to sit down in an air conditioned office to answer telephone calls,take down notes and collect rations.

of course its bloody hell heaven compared to guard duty.but what the hell i'm not even supposed to be here.

my friend report sick at the very last minute and i had to replace him cause i was the standby.

for tomorow's guard duty,theres a 90% chance that i'm doing cause my another friend is suffering from backache.again i'm the standby.48 hours of back to back duty lor.what the fuck heh.

have to look at the bright side though.
1 duty=1 off day.
2 duty=2 off days.

again i dislocate my finger.noting unusual aite.was referred to jurong medical centre by the doctor at polyclinic.noting seems serious in the x-ray.cause i put back in right after it dislocate.hahaha!!!
for now,have to wear a plastic splin on the finger to keep in straight so i dont injure the tendons,muscle and tissues.

feels weird though having to keep the finger straight all the time.

hope this wont hinder my chances of playing in the inter formation.

hello people.


its been a loooong time since i post and entry.

been busy in camp lately.damn busy ar.even my birthday was ruined cause camp keep on calling aboout a missing key which i did not even touch or see.

take time off from the busy work schedule to play some much need rugby.nee soon cluster emerged champions,again.although its a small tournament,it gave me memories which i wouldnt forget such as the tryof the tournament i scored direct off a kick off and the hard tackle which gave a guy a crack rib cage.to the guy,i'm really sorry.

next up,the inter formation rugby championship.cant wait for it.more hard hitting tackles aite.hahaha..!!!

had SAFSA rugby lunch at brewerkz last sat.$1000 for 20 of us to spent.the food was nice.especially the beer.its like whoa.fucking smooth and nice.got stare at cause i was the only malay there.shit.but who cares.as long i'm having fun,thats good enough.


take care....daaa....

 hello people.


here i am.in the office just came back from last minute of issuing stores.having headache from settling the problem with the huge in camp training here.the reservist,all 700 of them,have not move out yet due shortage of stores.its a damn hectic and tiring day.none of the big fucks here.even my ma'am is on leave,i'm running the place.cant wait to clear my leave.need a well needed and deserved rest.

excercise sabre commencing in august and its only a month.but i have to stay for a another 2 months there for excercise claymore.a total of 3 freaking months in thailand.and i'm spending my hari raya there.only comback on the 10th day of raya.nice.very nice.looking foward for the big fat huge allowance.

people here still bugging and persuading me to sign on as regular.of course the money is good.but the bond is 10 years.if i break it,i'll have to pay back every single cent they pay me.of course plus interest.

theres pros and cons.heres the million dollar question-should i sign on not...?


on a lighter not,engineer formation cluster sevens is coming.atlast.soome rugby action.but have to lose weight and gain back stamina first...hahaha..!

hello people.


i'm freaking tired.


for those who wanna see my new hairstyle,please proceed to my friendster or myspace eh.

thankiu...

take care...daa....

hello people.

 

here i am again at the guard room duing guard duty.thanks to adim,i'm here again.apparently hes on mc for a fractured hand due to playing soccer.he play soccer using hand ar?and why does he only msg me at 0400 hrs?dont tell me he plays at that hour.and why didnt he inform the other superiors but only inform me?i think hes just trying to make an excuse for escaping guard duty and purposely break his arm so can prove it.people goes to desperate measures for desperate needs.

alternate days of guard duty.nice.very nice.but luckily there repay me with one day off.i'm gonna sleep all day long mann..! 


thats all for now i guess.too tired and sleepy to write somemore.

take care..daaa...

hello people.


here i am,in the guard room.doing my duty.

its been a busy and tiring month though.with the in camp training,reservist guys and the workload.i'm completely overwork but underpaid.

dec gonna be damn busy with 321 SCE having in camp training.700 plus personnel equals to damn fucking alot of stores.jubor koyak babe.tapi takpe.i'll take it as training for next year's excercise sabre.

besides the in camp,dec will also be the month when my dad getting married again,for the third time.yes people.for the third time.apparently pihak perempuan nye yg sponsor everything even though my dad insist to buat kecik kecik je.more new family members.extended family tree.

on that very day,police will be holding its annual married vs single match cum police rugby night.last year i didnt attend due to national service commitment.this year due to family commintment.when can i get to start playing again.i'm in desperate need to play rugby.really desperate.

on a lighter note,i cut my hair.my dream hairstyle.i have not took a photo of it.but its something like his hairstyle.  luke McAlister-all blacks flyhalf,inside center,outside center.too bad i cant get a tattoo like him though.

                    




ps: to those who decide to leave a comment,PLEASE leave your name too aite.dont be a moron and leave it anonymous.thankiu very much.i appreciate it.

its been 2 weeks since i last updated my blog.here i am at the guardroom again.doing guard duty.i'm doing 4 guard duty this month.2 of them are sold by my friends at $100 and $80 each respectively.the other 2 are coevering up for my motherfucka friend who awol and the other one is mine.

last sun was a blast.went beraye with the CCKPS  friends.although i'm sad to leave early cause of the guard duty,but nonetheless it feels good to see the old pals.we've been friends since pri 3.so its been 12 years all together.from being soo naive in sch to being young adults now.we really can see how much people change.

its been the same every year since 1999 where faezah's home has been the 'meeting point' jalan raye,but for the past 3 years we rent a minibus so our journey will be easier.

last year i didnt join them cause had to book in at tekong.this year had to cut short cause of the guard duty.hope next year i'll be able to join them the whole day.

hope this tradition can be carried on till we grow old..hahahahaha.....!!!

on a heavy note,i'm farking tired.we only left with 2 storeman in mainstore side.the rest being in thalind for cresendo and some clearing leave and off before they ord end of the month.i got 8 stores under me alone.and now they're gone,me and razid had to take care the rest of the stores.plus i just got the news that they putting me in charge the rest of the storeman.means,i'm the head of the storeman.which is cibai.i just barely get past over the one year soldier mark,they put responsible of the guys.which is quiet a heavy burden to carry.

razid and me were told we'll be in thailand for 2 months for excercise sabre.we'll be flying off somewhere in june.which is the whole engineer battalion will be there.imagine how many stores there will be.tak ke terkencet tu???

anyways....i'm growing bigger...i miss my farking rugby very much....!!!!!!!


ps:  happy advance birthday...!

       happy birthday to you...
       happy birthday to you...
       happy birthday to noi....
       happy birthday to you...!

      happy 21st birthday...
      take care...


ouh ya..hope i can talk to you in the phone...

hello people.


to all my muslim friends,selamat hari raya..saye minta ampun dan maaf jikalau terkasar bahasa ke atau korg takleh angkat aku nye jokes ke..maaf yeee..


daaa.....

 hello people.


i'm in camp now.still feeling remorse,upset,dissapointed and devastated the all blacks lost to france.cant believe i cried after the game.even my hands are sweating and my heart is beating soo bloody damn fast during the game.

stay up all night from 2300 hours till 0500 hours just to watch the england vs australia game and the all blacks vs france game.

hoping for an england win so the all blacks will have a easy game during the semis.but it was not to be.they lost 20-18 to france.

being such the best team in the world,ranked no 1,they have not won the world cup since 1987.thats the 1st and only world cup they won.

now have to wait for another 4 years for the next world cup to try and win and not labeled and chokers heh.

credits have to go to jerry collins and McCaw  for playing their hearts out.


haiz.

shit happens all the time.

 hello people.


waahh!its been exactly a month since i wrote my last entry.been checking my mails regularly but got no time to post an entry.

since being banned from SAFSA,i'm stucked in camp not being able to get attached out.instead of going home everyday after work,i choose to stay in since home was fuck.

work is damn tiring when you're the only person fasting out of 12 malay storeman.sometimes i just feel like breaking fast due to being soo damn exhausted.but alhamdullilah i did not.

external auditor stocktake and internal stocktake is just around the corner and i'm soo damn stressful.i got 8 stores under me and recently the superiors put me incharge of the guys to make sure they do their work and everyting run smoothly.

having 8 stores and hundreds of stuffs already iving me a huge headache,pe lagi managing the guys kan?

haiz.shit happens to me al the time.but no matter what have to think positive.if not,i'm dead ar.


miss rugby alot.cant remember the last time i hold a rugby ball.hope to start playing soon since physio has already given the green light.

on a lighter note,non stop rugby action from the rugby world cup.atleast can lepaskan gian terpekik terpekau kan.hahahahaha..!!!

these are my favourite player.lookout for them.especially their tackles.hahahahahaha!!!




finau maka.the tongan number 8.





jerry collins.all blacks blindside flanker.






ritchie McCaw.all blacks openside flanker.IRB player of the year.

hello people.


season is ending soon.it feels fucked up when you only played one game and you're injured.first game for a new club,first game of the season,injured in the first half.a whole lots of first foe me.but well,as cik amran would say it,injured ade hikmah.

i think hes right.i'm gaining mass and my body is bulking up.which do has its pros and cons.

my neck is getting better.but still do feel pins and needles occasionally.but thats noting compared when i first had it.

had my first contact training last wed.and i really do mean contact.tackle jas full on with all my might.not once but 3 times.he landed pretty hard.feel pity for the lad.but hey,what you do in training,you'll do it in the game.and furthermore i'm 'gian' 'kempunan' for some hard hitting action.

did some scrums too.

fazli tried to twist my neck so that i get injured again.but fuck him.whos the one injured now.how does it feel like to be squeeze with my arms against my head and oinking like a pig and choking gasping for air?dont try to test me.i'm not fully fit,still recovering and yet i can beat you.yes i'm younger than you but i'm fuckiing more experienced than you.i dont like you when you first came to police.and i will never like you.someting bad gonna happened to you in training or game.i'm gonna hit you sooooo hard during tackling or in training matches that you're humiliated by a small 'boy' and until you dont dare to look at me in the eyes and confront me cause you're too scared.i dont mind stomping on you in the game.as long you're out and keep your fucking mouth shut,i'm happy.


physio says the neck is getting better and stronger.

with the rate i'm going now,i'm more than ready for a game.big time.

the house still treat me like shit.which is no suprise.its usual for me.i'm keeping my anger and waiting to be unleash one fine day.


i wonder..whos the next victim of rage............




pegi maha pegi,pegi takkan kembali.

hello people.

life has been good for me for the past few days.still on mc.the doctor extend another 20 days.so its a total of 42 days for me.people in camp have already make noise about it.you know what i mean lah eh.

instead of being at home as i should and getting scolding for noting,i went to work.not in camp.but outside.my old job.its my sidelined.earn the extra cash.its tough but at the same time also its good.i enjoy it.

went to my 1st rygby training too.didnt do contact.but played touch for 10 mins.still have my midas touch though.hahaha!!!and do fitness with the guys.non-stop half and hour of quality striding up and down the entire length of the field.i'm happy my stamina and my endurance is still there even after a month of not running.

physio said my neck is 70% recovered.which he says is a miracle because its healing faster than the expected period.good news for me.very soon to get back to the field and play contact.kempunan nak tackle,hentak,headbutt and pijak orang.


i guess thats all from me now.

see you later masturbator.


pegi maha pegi,pegi takkan kembali!!!

hello people.


looks like my neck getting better.still feeling sore and the swelling still there.but not as bad as last week.phsyio says since its getting better at a fast rate,max is 3 months to heal.maybe they do some drastic measures like cracking my back or my neck just incase my body is still stiff.hahahahaha!!!

i will do anything just to get back in shape to play as soon as posibble.

on another note.

the family still sucks.i cant wait to get the hell outta here.nearly punch nenek the other day.but i keep cool about it.dont want to retaliate.


thats all for now.i guess.

take care.

see you later masturbator.



no woman no cry. no rugby i cry.

pegi maha pegi,pegi mati lah!

hello people.

went to physiotherapy yesterday.he told me it takes 8 to 12 weeks for the muscle and tissue to heal.but it takes a year for my neck to be fully recovered and strong as before.mind you this is the second neck injury i had.the first was a 2 in 1-a whiplash effect and a concussion.hahaha!

i'll do whatever it takes to make my neck fully recovered in less than a year.

that aside.i wanna give a piece of my mind.sorry if i hurt some people.

i'm right here waiting for you.but looks like i lose out.because of the stupid mistake i did,i think its forgiven but not forgotten.lydia,i sincerely hope you'll be happy with that 'friend' of yours lah eh.i dont know why i'm waiting for you but now i feel like its wasting my time.i got no hard feelings about it.

to noi,i know about my mistake in the past.because of me our friendship severed.since you gave me another chance now,i just wanna say thank you and sorry for what i've done last time and i promised it wont happened again.i hope we can be close like last time.


i really need to get out of this house.people in the house are fucking me up for no reason.watching tv or using the phone for 1 min,got fuck big time.what the hell.one fine sunny day,i'm gonna explode.and when that happens,expect to see me on the front page of the newspaper.all for the wrong reasons.

hello people.


my life is really shit right now.was injured during SAFSA's 1st game against Bedok Kings.it happened just 10 mins before half time when a scrum collasped.i tore a group of mucsle and tissue at the back of my neck.its a major blow for me and the team.


when the referee shouted engaged,the last thing i remember is the huge ang moh was pushing my head down wards and i heard and feel alot of cracking at the back of my neck.its soooo fucking pain that i shouted like a wussy.its not everyday that i collapsed from a scrum eh.

then there was panic and commotion.i couldnt feel anything from the neck below.the physio and medics rushed in.they ask me alot of questions.but the only thing in my mind is 'shit,what am i suppose to tell guard room i cant perform guard duti.shit hospital again.shit dont tell me its the end of rugby for me.'.

they rushed me to tan tock seng.,my body was full of mud,sand and dirt which includes the jersey,short and boots.

they rushed me straight in.i was attened by 4 ladies.a chinese woman doctor.a malay nurse old enough to be my mother but she was like yeah man-milf.a yougng pretty cute chubby chinese nurse and a young malay pretty nurse.

just as i thought its heaven,the doctor instruct the nurses to cut off my jersey and my shorts.basically to stripped me naked so they can 'wash' me.shit!naked seh!i'm helpless.with the hard neck collar and my body feeling now,i cant do much.

aunty lynne,the physio said this when she visit me at the observation ward.'when they cut off your jersey,it means that you career is over.'shes right.they took me in for x rays.

after the x ray,they jab me dont know how many time with what the hell super strong painkillers.i was in cloud 9.then they push me one corner.

after a few hours,the doctor came back and tell me there was no broken bones.i was relieved.but she told me i need to see a specialist fast just in case something happened to the tissue,nerves and muscle.

around 0025 hours,they put me in an ambulance and off i go to alexandra.i was transfered because i have to wait 6 to 8 hours just to get a bed in tan tock seng whereby i can get a bed and see a specialist in less the 4 hours at alexandra.

when i reached alexandra,they push me straight to my ward.ward 13 bed 8.very nice ward.very cosy.after a few mins,the specialist came in.do all sorts of test on me.and immediately sent me for x ray again.after everything was done,they told me no broken bones.again i was relieved.

the next morning, a malay specialist came and do some test on me again.he sent me to go for mri (its the thing you have to go into a tube).its the 4th mri in my life.and i'm still 21 years old!

after a few hours while i was sleeping on my bed in my cosy ward,i was awaken by his deep loud voice.he told me the bad news.

doctor: mr khairul,when your season ends?
me     : end of october.why?
doctor: wrong.(i was shocked and puzzled.) your seasons has just ended yesterday.
me     : why??? (still looking shocked and puzzled.)
doctor: you tore a gorup of muscle and tissue at the back of your neck due to hyperf lexion when the scrums collapsed.luckily your nerves didnt tear or pulled.

i was in a state of shock and depressed when he says that.he told me to lay off from rugby for 1 whole year.but what the hell.i wont be waiting for that long.the most is only 3 months for me.after that,i'll be back in the field putting my body on the line again.

4 days i'm in hospital.4 days i have to wear a hard collar and changed to a soft collar.4 days i keep on thinking how to get back to rugby.4 days i'm praying for it to get better as soon as possible.

i'm aiming to get back to the feel and play atleast the last gam of the season.hope they wont pulled me out of the team and the attachement.

i'm on mc for 20 days.no y wight has ballooned to 100kg.i really cant believed it.but thats the fact.due to not running and staying home and eat all day long,thats what happened.

everyday i have to battle the unbearable pain in my neck.

3 months is max for me to get back in the feel.i dont care what people say and what they feel.

pegi maha pagi,pegi takkan kembali.

or should i say,

pegi maha pegi,pegi mati!

i've got to go now.nenek nags again because i'm using the laptop.she scared that i would make it spoilt.what the hell.am i a fucking naive and stupid guy which doesnt know how to use a lap top???

ps: to noi,i hope we can be close like last time.i really do.i know things change.but...entah eh.i just hope we're close like last time.i really miss it.

hello people.


to all the people who leave a comment or thinking about me not caring about my body,yes you're damn right i am!i dont care about it a single bit.i am stubborn and reckless.when it comes to rugby,please expect me to put my body on the line just for that little oval ball and my teammates.i am what i am.thats what i do best.PEGI MAHA PEGI,PEGI TAKKAN KEMBALI.

i am having a fucked up week people.now i know that all the people in my grandma's home want me out.i also dont know why.but for those who dont know,my family considers me as the blacks sheep of the family.my aunt even says to the whole family infront of me that i'm good for nothing.the only thing the family can be proud of is the achievement i have with rugby.

yes people.i am good for nothing.i've got no place to go.from now on,most of my time will be spent in the bunk.the only time i spent my grandma's home will be the days i have SAFSA training.thats where i will come 'home' to do my laundry,eat abit and get the hell outta there.

in the mean time,i will keep myself busy with rugby,gym,jogging and work just to keep my mind off this.thinking about it makes me angry.i am born a broken man and i am calm like a bomb.anytime i will explode.

i'm very tired with all this craps and shit.i really need a holiday to get my mind and body relaxed.

to noi,can we still be friends like last time? i begged you.please.